THE PARISH NEWS

April 2004 Volume 9, No. 4

MEMORIAL SERVICE TO BE HELD

On Thursday evening, April 8, 2004, at 7:00 p.m., a Memorial Service will be held at Hayward Lutheran Church. All members of the Hayward-Trondhjem Parish are invited to attend.

News has come from the city of Jerusalem in Judea of Palestine or Israel that Yeshua Bar Josef, son of Josef and Mary Bar Jacob, died on Friday. The reports we have received indicate that Yeshua, or as he was known by many, Jesus, originally from Nazareth, had been arrested and put on trial for treason against the Roman government. His followers claimed him to be a king, and the rightful heir to the throne of the Davidic Dynasty. It was also reported that the local Jewish leaders had conspired to have him arrested on charges of blasphemy and of being a false prophet.

Thus, in the early hours of Friday morning, Pontius Pilate, the Roman Procurator of Palestine, tried and convicted Jesus and sentenced him to be crucified. Jesus died on that day, in mid-afternoon, and was quickly taken from the cross and buried in a tomb provided by a friend of the family. The tomb was covered and sealed before the 6:00 p.m. deadline, when the Sabbath would begin.

On Thursday, April 8^th, at 7:00 p.m., a Memorial Service will be held at the Hayward Church. Members of the family of Jesus invite you to come and be a part of this special service and meal.

Yeshua Bar Josef was born to Josef and Mary Bar Jacob on December 25, 04 B.C.E., in Bethlehem of Judea. After a short stay in Egypt, the family moved to Nazareth in Galilee, where he lived and received his schooling. He was apprenticed to his father as a carpenter after his Bar mitzvah, and he worked in that profession until the age of 30.

During the last three years of his life he had been an itinerant preacher and healer, traveling to many of the towns and villages throughout Galilee and Judea and even into the surrounding Gentile regions, telling all who came to hear that God was coming to them with a new Kingdom and a new way of life. During that time he had recruited twelve special students into this new God movement, along with many countless others who were devoted followers. These people have given clear witness that they are certain that this man Yeshua (Jesus) was the promised Messiah, the Anointed One of God, sent by God to save the world and to usher in that new Kingdom. But this mission was cut short by his arrest and untimely death.

Jesus was preceded in death by his father, Josef Bar Jacob. He is survived by his mother, Mary Bar Jacob, by several brothers and sisters, along with his beloved disciples, and many followers and friends.

OPPORTUNITIES FOR HOLY COMMUNION

April 4 Palm Sunday

April 8 Maundy Thursday (Parish Worship)

April 11 Easter (8:45 – H; 10:15 – T)

April 25 Confirmation (Trondhjem only)

WORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES

DURING HOLY WEEK

Sunday, April 4 (Palm Sunday) – Worship at Trondhjem Lutheran at 8:45 a.m. and at Hayward Lutheran at 10:30 a.m.

Thursday, April 8 (Maundy Thursday) – 7:00 p.m. - Parish Worship with Holy Communion at Hayward Lutheran.

Sunday, April 11 (Easter) – 6:30 a.m. - Worship at Hayward Lutheran. The Hayward Lutheran LYO will present an Easter Drama, “Resurrection”, during this service.

7:30 a.m. - Breakfast will be served by the LYO of Hayward Lutheran. The menu includes the following: Scrambled Eggs, Ham Links, Coffee Cake, Orange Juice, Milk and Orange Slices.

8:45 a.m. – Worship with Holy Communion at Hayward Lutheran

10:15 a.m. – Worship with Holy Communion at Trondhjem Lutheran

CALLED INTO GOD’S MARVELOUS LIGHT

The 16^th Annual Southeastern Minnesota Synod Assembly will take place at the Rochester Civic Center on Friday and Saturday, April 23 & 24 this year, under the banner theme: “Called Into God’s Marvelous Light.”

Voting members from congregations of the synod gather to worship, study the Bible, and participate in the decision-making business of the church. The keynote speaker for this year’s assembly is the Reverend Carmala Aderman, who is currently called to serve as an Assistant to the Bishop in the Northwest Wisconsin Synod. She also works as a Mission Director, responsible for starting new congregations in the synod, and is a Partner in Evangelism for the ELCA.

Rev. Eric Shafer, the Director of our ELCA Department for Communication, will bring the report of our Church wide Bishop, Pr. Mark Hanson. Rev. Kathryn Bradley-Love, our ELCA Associate Director of Evangelism, will be the Bible Study Leader. Worship and music will be brought to us by the musical group DAKOTA ROAD, with Larry Olson and Hans Peterson.

One special event that will coincide with the Assembly this year is the Synod’s direct involvement in a Habitat for Humanity project in Rochester. Thus, voting members and other congregational members attending the Assembly or who wish to come to Rochester during the days before and during the Assembly, will have opportunity to work on the House project. The Assembly offerings are also being designated towards the costs of construction of this house. If you are interested in contributing or working on this project, contact Pastor Malm for more details.

TRONDHJEM NEWS

APRIL ASSIGNMENTS

Altar Guild

Charlotte Lukes

Coffee Servers

April 4 Don & Arlene Chapek

April 18 Pastor John & Sharon Malm

Communion Assistant

Doug Thompson

APRIL ACOLYTE/USHER

ASSIGNMENTS

April 4 (Palm Sunday)

Jessica Naatz & Megan Thompson

April 11 (Easter Sunday)

Daniel Jax & Matt Reese

April 18

Cameron Kolbe & Brad Thompson

April 25

Scott Kraushaar & Kyle Thompson

TRONDHJEM MEMORIALS

General Fund:

In memory of Lornie Stotts by M/M Jim Benesh, Sr.

In memory of Edna Johnson by M/M Jim Benesh Sr.

In memory of Carlyle Greibrok b7 Emily Cech

In memory of Bessie Nelson by Emily Cech

APRIL BIRTHDAYS

April 6 Roger Krause

April 7 Mona Lukes

April 10 Mable Handeland

Kurt Lukes

April 13 Obert Haldorson

Lisa Kraushaar

APRIL ANNIVERSARIES

April 6 Steve & Linda Kraushaar

KNOWN TO HAVE BEEN

HOSPITALIZED

Mike Severtson in Rochester

John Chapek at St. Olaf in Austin

TRONDHJEM WELCA TO HAVE MOTHER-DAUGHTER LUNCHEON

Mark your calendar for Saturday, May 1^st, 12:00 Noon. The women of Trondhjem WELCA invite you to a Mother-Daughter Luncheon on that day.

The speakers at the luncheon will be Georgia Jech and her daughter, Jean. Georgia is from Elkton and Jean is from the Twin Cities area.

Georgia and Jean will share the experiences they had while spending Christmas in Thailand.

Come and join us for fellowship, a delicious lunch, and a very informative and interesting program.

HAYWARD NEWS

MISSION STATEMENT

We the people of Hayward Lutheran Church confess the Triune God, and strive to follow the words and deeds of Jesus Christ.

VISION STATEMENT

As a community of faith in Jesus Christ, we will demonstrate care and compassion for one another and also to a world in much need. God’s Word and the Holy Sacraments are central to our life of faith. As we grow and are nourished by these, we will bring the good news of God’s forgiveness, life and salvation to those around us.

APRIL ASSIGNMENTS

Altar Guild

Cammie Tennis & Barb Miller

Coffee Servers

April 4 Dan & Sonja Johnson/Gary & Becky Jacobsma

April 11 Easter – No Coffee

April 18 Pastor John & Sharon Malm

April 25 Terry & Debra Bolinger/Clayton Peterson

Ushers

*Louis & Stephanie Larson

Scott , Kim, Brook Woitas

Todd & Aaron Enderson

Mike & Vicki Larson

Steve Lundak

Communion and Offering Duty

Pat Frydenlund & Keith Iverson

APRIL ACOLYTE/USHER SCHEDULE

April 4 (Palm Sunday)

Chelsea Hill & Caylee Tennis

April 8 (Maundy Thursday)

Michelle Learn & Dahna Wright

April 11 (Easter)

6:30 a.m. – Cecilia Hill & Samantha Anderson

8:45 a.m. – Zoe Hill & Josselyn Hill

April 18

Julie Erickson & Lacy Wright

April 25

Louis Tufte & Hunter Gilby

APRIL ANNIVERSARIES

April 3 Lou & Stephanie Larson

April 4 Dave & Paulette Paulson

APRIL BIRTHDAYS

April 3 Lois Schroeder

Helen Brandt

April 4 Lucille Larson

April 5 Brandon Quam

Mitchell Skaar

April 7 Faye Nelson

April 7 Mackenzie Berhow

Carolyn Noland

April 8 Alison Hafstad

April 12 James Frydenlund

April 14 Nancy Berhow

James Hoiseth

April 15 Scott Kromminga

April 17 Jennifer Nelson

April 18 John Malm

April 23 Richard Hanson

April 25 Faye Olson

Betsy Paulson

April 26 Terry Bolinger

April 27 Carmen Johnson

April 30 Harriet Skaar

Troy Eggum

Derek Hanson

Rachel Frydenlund

KNOWN TO HAVE BEEN HOSPITALIZED

Phil Tennis at St. Joseph’s, St. Paul

Mackenzie Berhow at Children’s Hospital, St. Paul

ALTAR GUILD

NEWS

WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE FRESH FLOWERS?

Fresh flowers for the altar are a beautiful addition to our worship service. If you wish to furnish flowers, all you need to do is call the Altar Guild president, Marlene Thompson (373-3895). The Guild will purchase and display the flowers for you, and if you wish, will put an acknowledgement in the Sunday bulletin. Cost of the flowers is usually about $15. Your generosity and support are greatly appreciated. Thank you.

LENT AND EASTER FLOWER FUND

The Hayward Altar Guild invites you this year to make special gift contributions to the Lent/Easter Flower Fund. Gifts in the amount of your choosing can be given as a general gift, or given in memory or honor of a loved one. Funds will be used for the purchase of violet plants for the social hall tables, palm crosses and palm fronds for Palm Sunday and flowers and lilies for Easter Sunday.

This year, for Palm Sunday, we will be purchasing African Palm Crosses through a Christian supply company in St. Louis. These crosses are hand made throughout the year by families in a cluster of villages in Tanzania and sold to supplement their meager incomes. Sales help support village projects such as agricultural and vocational training, schools, water systems and emergency relief.

HAYWARD MEMORIALS

LIFT FUND

In memory of Lornie Stotts

ALTAR GUILD

In memory of Lornie Stotts

In memory of Dorothy Johnson

HAYWARD CHURCH COUNCIL

March 14, 2004

12:00 p.m.

The Hayward Church Council met on Sunday, March 14, 2004 at 12:00 p.m.

Present: Bob Armon, Keith Iverson, Randy Eggum, Sonja Johnson, Vickie Storlie, Sharon Malm, Pastor Malm, Chelsea Hill (Youth Observer).

Randy Eggum, President, presided over the meeting.

The agenda was discussed. Sonja Johnson made a motion to accept the agenda. Bob Armon seconded the motion. Motion carried.

Secretary’s Report:

Keith Iverson made a motion to accept the Minutes from the February 15^th Council meeting. Bob Armon seconded the motion. Motion carried.

Treasurer’s Report:

The Treasurer’s Report was discussed. Vickie Storlie made a motion to accept the Treasurer’s Report. Randy Eggum seconded the motion. Motion carried.

ITEMS TO CONSIDER:

I. CALENDAR

1. March 14^th, 3:00-5:30 p.m. All Congregation Councils meeting at Trinity in Owatonna. Vickie, Sonja and Pastor John attended.

2. March 28^th, 5:45 p.m. LYO Movie Night

3. April 3^rd, Pastor John was invited by Freeborn Co-op Electric to do the Invocation and Benediction for their Annual Meeting at Riverside Arena, Austin.

4. April 1^st, Thursday, the Conference Pastors will be meeting at Hayward Church from 9:00 a.m. to 1:oo p.m. WELCA will be serving coffee and a noon meal.

5. April 7^th, Joint Council meeting at the parsonage at 7:00 p.m. Each Council will meet separately following the Joint meeting.

6. April 8^th, Maundy Thursday worship service at Hayward, 7:00 p.m. with Holy Communion.

7. Easter Sunday Schedule: 6:30 a.m. Sunrise Service – Youth participating – No Communion; 7:30 a.m. Breakfast; 8:45 a.m. Service with Holy Communion.

8. April 23-24^th, Friday and Saturday, SYNOD ASSEMBLY, Rochester, MN.

II. OTHER ITEMS:

1. There is concern with some purchases charged to the church at various stores and receipts are not being turned in and many have unreadable signatures on the charge slips. There is no way to know who charged the items, what they were and which account to debit the items to. Some items are charged sales tax and the church has a tax-exempt number. Discussion was held on this matter.

Keith Iverson made a motion to put in place the following policy: It shall be the policy of this congregation that members cannot charge items to the congregation at stores unless they get a Purchase Order along with a copy of the Tax Exempt Certificate from the Parish Secretary or Treasurer for that purpose. Area stores will be informed of this policy, so that they do not accept any charges to the congregation without an authorized Purchase Order and Tax Exempt Certificate. If members purchase items without a purchase order, they will need to pay for them and after turning in the receipts to the Church Office, they will then be reimbursed for such, but NOT for any sales tax. Bob Armon seconded the motion. Motion carried

2. Properties:

A. Checked on price of thermostats at Home Depot. The Rite Temp brand was $33.00 and Honeywell was $49.00 each. Looking at replacing 4-6 of them. Bob Armon will check other suppliers for prices.

B. Larson’s hasn’t been out to check the roof on the Social Hall. Randy will get in touch with them to see when they will be in the area.

3. Newspaper ad for Easter Service Schedule. Cost of the ad was $125.00 for 2 weeks. It was decided not to do this.

4. There was some discussion on some custodial related items.

5. Lenten Meal. Sharon will contact Linda Kraushaar to see what she would like the Hayward Council to bring for the meal, which will be served by the Joint Council on March 31^st.

Keith Iverson made a motion to adjourn the meeting. Randy Eggum seconded the motion. Motion carried.

Respectfully submitted,

Vickie Storlie, Secretary

HAYWARD LUTHERAN

OUR STEWARDSHIP FOR 2004

Month Where we Actual

Should be

January $8,358 $7,291.42

February $16,716 $14,786.34

March $25,074 $22.635.34

(Thru 3/21/04)

LIBRARY NEWS

FEATURED BOOKS OF THE MONTH

Be the first to sign out one of these new books in your Church Library.

Lovely Bones is an astonishing novel that builds out of grief. It is a most hopeful story by Alice Sebold.

Time Piece by Richard Evans, author of The Christmas Box.

Help! I’m Turning into My Mother by Becky Freeman and Ruthie Arnold. Enough said. It should be funny.

Moving Into a New Now by Mildred Tengbom. Tengbom knows that the later years can be an ever New Now, a time to experience God’s continued comfort. This book also helps their loved ones understand and assist them in making positive changes.

An Older Woman Looking Back at Me by Marilyn J. Boe. If you enjoy poetry, this book is a MUST.

You will find these books on the gray table in the Library.

LIBRARY STAMPS NO LONGER AVAILABLE

Because the Library Stamps are no longer available to the Bible Book Store, they ask that all stamps collected be redeemed by June 1, 2004.

WELCA NEWS

WELCA TO HAVE TEA PARTY

You are invited to a Tea Party on Saturday, May 1 at 2 p.m. in the Hayward Lutheran Fellowship Hall. Please come and bring guests. A light lunch will be served, including tea, lemonade and coffee.

YOUTH NEWS

YOUTH NIGHT AT THE MOVIES

Remember YOUTH NIGHT AT THE MOVIES at 5:45 p.m. on Sunday, April 25. Come and have a great time with friends! Discussion will follow the movie.

YOUTH WANT TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR SPRING CLEAN-UP

As a Fund Raiser, the Hayward LYO is offering to help you with your spring cleaning. Beginning at 8 a.m. on April 24^th, the youth will be out and about helping people in the Hayward area with clean-up tasks. If you would like them to come to your home to help you, or if you have any questions, please contact Chelsea Hill at 373-3781. Cost: Free will donation.

SUNDAY SCHOOL NEWS

SUMMER DAY CAMP

Please mark your calendars for DAY CAMP, which will be held JULY 12 – 16, 2004 here at Hayward Lutheran Church. It is open to children Kindergarten up through 6^th grade. Youth in 7^th grade on up are encouraged to be helpers. Watch for more information and details regarding the Day Camp and the sign-up process.

REMEMBER THE

“STOP AND GO” LIGHT

Remember the “Stop & Go” Light in the hallway by the Sunday School rooms. Bring your pennies and coins every Sunday for children who are hungry. Paul & Edith Samuelson have donated this “Stop & Go” Light and got us started by adding their coins. We will send the accumulated money to ELCA World Hunger.

The loose coins in the offering each Sunday will also be added to the “Stop & Go” Light for ELCA World Hunger. So PLEASE help us feed the hungry children by bringing your coins!

NEWS FLASH

SIGHTINGS OF DEAD PROPHET REPORTED!

It was recently reported in the newspaper that Yeshua Bar Josef, formerly of Nazareth in Galilee, had been put to death by agents of the Roman government for his criminal activities, and then had been quickly buried in a special tomb provided by a family friend.

Many family, friends and followers had gathered at area worship centers for special memorial services during their Holy Week to share in their grief over the loss of this great teacher and prophet, one who many proclaimed to be the very Son of God, the expected Messiah, the Savior of the world.

Now reports have come, just a short three days after his burial, that this Yeshua, or Jesus, has been seen alive. Apparently, some women, including Jesus’ own mother, Mary, went to the cemetery early on that first day of the week to mourn the death of Jesus and to seek to complete the proper burial rites and embalming of the dead body. But when they arrived at the gravesite, they found that the grave had been opened and that the body was no longer there.

While still in a state of shock over this, a couple of strange men came to them and told them that Jesus was no longer there, but that God had raised him up from death, just as Jesus had once told them that he would. These men also told the women that Jesus would meet them and visit with them back at the home place in Galilee.

Some of his other followers, Peter and John, and also Thomas, reported to others that Jesus had appeared to them at the house where they had been staying and where they had earlier celebrated the Passover meal with Jesus. They knew that it was Jesus because he had shown to them his very visible scars and wounds that he had suffered from the day of his crucifixion.

Later, two of his followers from the small town of Emmaus reported that they had also seen Jesus and had some conversation with him while on their way home from Jerusalem. But they did not realize that it was him until they had invited him into their home for supper. As he blessed and broke the bread they were to eat that evening, it was like their eyes were opened and they immediately recognized that it was Jesus. Then they said it was like they just blinked and he disappeared from their view and was nowhere to be found. They immediately set out to return to Jerusalem and tell the others what they had seen and heard.

Several of our local citizens have also come forward to report of their own experiences in having seen this Jesus alive. So many people are telling such stories that it cannot be a mere coincidence or even some prearranged story. Truly something strange and miraculous has happened. The claims about this man Jesus must be true. Surely he is the Son of God, the promised Savior of the world.

GOOD EARTH VILLAGE NEWS

A RETREAT FOR JR. HIGH GIRLS

A retreat just for Jr. High Girls!!! It will be like a 24-hour slumber party as we talk about boys, clothes and life, and we’ll discover what the Bible has to say about all of it. It’s a retreat where you can ask your questions and talk about the issues that are important to you. It’s a GIRL’S WEEKEND with NO BOYS ALLOWED!

WHEN: April 16-17

WHERE: Good Earth Village

TIME: 7:00 p.m. Friday to 7:00 p.m. Saturday

COST: $30/PERSON (Chaperones free)

TO REGISTER: contact GEV (507-346-2494) to hold your spot. Registration forms available in the church office.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ON THE GOOD EARTH VILLAGE SUMMER STAFF?

Good Earth Village is now hiring staff for the summer of 2004. We are looking for college-aged adults who enjoy being in the great outdoors and want to share their faith with God’s children of all ages!

Positions Available: Counselors, Kitchen Staff, Maintenance Staff, Craft/Canteen Coordinator, Naturalist, Health Care Manager, and Leadership Team.

If you or someone you know is interested in being a part of this important ministry, contact Gretchen at Good Earth Village. 507-346-2494.

SHOPPERS BEWARE

Keep a watch out for people standing near you in the checkout line at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., who have cell a cell phone in hand. With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date. Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So…be aware of your surroundings.

THE NECKLACE

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them-a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. “Oh, mommy, please, Mommy, Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?”

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl’s upturned face. “A dollar ninety-five. That’s almost $2.00. If you really want them, I’ll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday’s only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.”

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere-Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, “Do you love me?” “Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you.” “Then give me your pearls” “Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She’s my very favorite.” “That’s okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night.” And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny’s’ daddy asked again, “Do you love me?” “Daddy, you know I love you.” “Then give me your pearls.” “Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.” “That’s okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.” And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. “What is it, Jenny? What’s the matter?” Jenny didn’t say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, “Here, daddy, this is for you.” With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny’s daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn’t God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing: God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

SIINGING WITH THE LUTHERANS

Garrison Keiler

I have made fun of Lutherans for years – who wouldn’t if you lived in Minnesota? But I have also sung with Lutherans and that is one of the main joys of life, along with hot baths and fresh sweet corn. We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness, their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese.

But nobody sings like them. If you ask an audience in New York City, a relatively “Lutheran less” place, to sing along on the chorus of “Michael Row The Boat Ashore” they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their underwear. But if you do this among Lutherans, they’ll smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road!

Lutherans are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony. It’s a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that person’s rib cage. It’s natural for Lutherans to sing in harmony. We’re too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you’re singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it’s an emotionally fulfilling moment. I once sang the bass line of “Children of the Heavenly Father” in a room with about three thousand Lutherans in it; and when we finished, we all had tears in our eyes, partly from the promise that God will not forsake us, partly from the proximity of all those lovely voices. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each other.

I do believe this: People, these Lutherans, who love to sing in four-part harmony, are the sort of people you would call up when you’re in deep distress. If you’re dying, they’ll comfort you. If you’re lonely, they’ll talk to you. And if you’re hungry, they’ll give you tuna salad!

If you laughed while reading this you must be a Lutheran. The following list was compiled by a 20^th century Lutheran who, observing other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he saw or heard:

Lutherans believe in prayer but would practically die if you asked them to pray out loud.

Lutherans like to sing except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.

Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital even if they don’t notify them that they are there.

Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.

Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.

Lutherans feel that applauding for their children’s choirs would make them too proud and conceited.

Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while “passing the peace.”

Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.

Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an LCMS groom make for a mixed marriage.

Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.

Lutherans are willing to pay up to a dollar for a meal at church.

Lutherans think that Garrison Keiler stories are totally factual.

Lutherans still serve Jell-OP in the proper liturgical color of the season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole adds too much color.

Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, you know when you’re a Lutheran when:

hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can!

It’s 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.

Doughnuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.

The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee cabinet is locked up tight.

All your relatives graduated from a school named Concordia.

When you watch a “Star Wars” movie and they say, “May the force be with you,” you respond “and also with you.”

You actually understand those folks from Lake Wobegon, MN.

And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say “good-bye.”

PARISH NEWS DEADLINE

The deadline for turning in articles and calendar information for the Parish News is the 20^th of each month. Thank you for your cooperation.

ADDRESS CHANGE? If you or someone you know has had a change of address or phone number within this past year, please inform the Church Office as soon as possible. Thank you for your help!