THE PARISH NEWS

March 2004                                           Volume 9,  No. 3

 

 

ACROSS THE PASTOR’S DESK……

 

THE JOURNEY OF LENT

 

    Have you ever been on a pilgrimage?  A pilgrimage is a journey to a holy place made with a devotional intention.  That definition might then include the journey you make each week or (hopefully) month to your congregation’s worship place.  You might have taken a more lengthy pilgrimage, as I did some 25 years ago, to the holy places of Israel, to walk where Jesus walked and to see the land where he was born, lived, died and raised up.

    Some 4,0000 years ago, Abraham and his family were called by God to go on a journey in a new direction, going from Haran, on what is now the south Turkish border, to the land God showed to him in Palestine.  Abraham had to turn away from his home and comfortable surroundings and make a long and difficult journey to a new and strange place.  To turn and go in a new direction the New Testament calls “metanoia,” or conversion.  “Metanoia” requires a separation from one place and set of conditions and instead of them a concentration on the goal of the journey.  It requires not just looking around but looking ahead with focus and determination.

    The Lenten journey is a journey to a specific place, namely Jesus’ cross and tomb.  As I said, some of us have had the privilege of seeing those sites up close in Jerusalem.  Most of us make that journey without leaving our town or area and accomplish the journey as a spiritual pilgrimage made in heart and mind.  We are called to leave those places in our lives where we are not living our Christian identity, where we are not truly at home or at peace.  One of the great purposes of Lent is to bring us to ourselves, so that, like the prodigal son, we may realize that the condition in which we find ourselves is not our true home and that as comfortable as we usually feel, we are aliens in a foreign land and need to come home.  So the Lenten pilgrimage is made with a clear purpose in mind.  It is a journey home, although, as it was for Abraham, the home to which we go is a place we have never yet been.

    This Lenten journey is accomplished not merely within our mind without leaving our present location.  It requires a physical journey, as we are physically able.  We must decide to leave home and walk (more often drive) to a specific holy place – the parish worship place.  There, in and through our time of worship, Word and Sacrament, we are there, in Jerusalem, and at the foot of the cross, and before the tomb of Jesus.  We make that journey week by week by week, year after year, but, hopefully, it is an ever new experience, with still more discoveries to be made, still more insight to be gained and still greater depths to be explored each time we make that journey.

    Yes, it is easy to look at this season of Lent and mumble and grumble that it’s just the same old same old and nothing new.  Like the children, we might join with them in using their most popular word – “Borrring!”  Lent is NOT meant to be anything new, but only an intensification of what are already the constant themes and elements of the Christian life.  It is a time that calls us to conversion, to breaking loose from the old ways and daring to go in a new direction and to take a new and intense look at what the cross and the tomb of Jesus are all about.  Lent is a summons to travel a different road, a road that will lead us to God in a new way.  It is not an easy path, but it IS one that can expand that horizon that has been confined by sin and which tends to curve we sinners into our own selves.

    May this season of Lent open our eyes to see others who are traveling with us, to see larger possibilities for our lives, and to feel the exhilaration of walking to our true home.  Welcome to the journey.

   

 

Pastor John  

 

 

 

                         

OPPORTUNITIES  FOR  HOLY COMMUNION

 

March 7 – Second Sunday in Lent

March 14 – Third Sunday in Lent

 

 

 

 

 

PARISH BIBLE STUDY AT HLC

 

    Sunday evenings at 6:00 p.m., members of HLC and TLC are invited to gather in the Social Hall at HLC for a Bible Study focus on The Revelation to John.  Through use of scripture study, video and discussion, we will take a look at this mysterious and puzzling last book of the Bible and seek to better understand what it is truly telling us that can be of value for our Christian life today.  Come and join us.  Bring your Bible and your willingness to learn, share and discuss.

 

 

MIDWEEK WORSHIP DURING LENT:  SIGNS OF BELONGING

 

    Our midweek worship gatherings for Lent will begin on Ash Wednesday, February 25th.  We will meet in the HLC sanctuary for worship with Holy Communion.  We begin our Lenten experience as we are asked to remember – “remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.”

    This year we will focus our worship reflections around a little study book by Mary Hinkle, called “Signs of Belonging – Luther’s Marks of the Church and the Christian Life.”    Ms. Hinkle is an ordained minister of the ELCA and an Associate Professor of New Testament at Luther Seminary in St. Paul.

    This study is based on one of Martin Luther’s writings from 1539, in which Luther lists out seven congregational practices or activities by which  Christian holy people can be recognized as we live our lives in this world.  Through some very interesting New Testament stories we will seek to discover how it is that Jesus tells us where, why and how we belong.  Thus, during our Lenten gatherings, we will look at these signs of belonging.   

 

    March 3                                The Word

    March 10                              Holy Baptism

    March 17                              Holy Communion

    March 24                              The Forgiveness                         

                             And Reproof of Sin                 

    March 31                              The Office of Ministry

    April 4 (Passion Sunday)      Worship – Public

                                                            Prayer

    April 8 (Maundy Thursday)   The Holy Cross

    April 11 (Easter)                   Community, Risk, &

                                         The Presence of Christ

 

 

TRONDHJEM NEWS

 

TRONDHJEM

MARCH  ASSIGNMENTS

 

Altar Guild

            Ruth Lukes

Coffee Servers

            March 7 – Roger & Betty Krause

            March 21 – Randy & Mona Lukes

Communion Assistant

            Sheldon Lukes

 

MARCH  ACOLYTE/USHER

ASSIGNMENTS

 

March 7           Cameron Kolbe & Brad Thompson

March 14         Daniel Jax  & Scott Kraushaar

March 21         Kyle Thompson & Sean Kraushaar

March 28         Andrew Reese & Zachary Kestner

 

TRONDHJEM MEMORIALS

 

General Fund:

            In memory of Carlyle Greibrok by Dorothy Greibrok and family

            In memory of Bessie Nelson by M/M Jim Benesh Sr.

 

 

 

TRONDHJEM  BIRTHDAYS

 

March 2           Matthew Reese

March 9           Olivia Krause

March 13         Bev Prantner

March 15         Margaret Ziebell          

March 17         Robyn Jahnke

March 18         John Chapek

March 19         Mary Cox

March 21         Mavis Billadeau

                        Orin Krause

March 22         Dean Lukes

March 24         Lucetta Kermes

March 25         Anna Johnson

March 29         Sean Kraushaar

 

 

 

 

MARCH ANNIVERSARIES

 

March 2            Lucetta & Clifford Kermes

 

 

 

 

KNOWN TO HAVE BEEN

HOSPITALIZED

 

Mike Severtson in Albert Lea

 

 

CONGRATULATIONS   to Linda Kraushaar who has been selected as a delegate to the ELCA Church Wide Assembly in August of 2005 in Orlando, Florida.  Linda will be representing the Blue Earth River Conference at the Assembly.

 

HAYWARD NEWS

 

 MISSION STATEMENT

    We the people of Hayward Lutheran Church confess the Triune God, and strive to follow the words and deeds of Jesus Christ.

 

VISION STATEMENT

   As a community of faith in Jesus Christ, we will demonstrate care and compassion for one another and also to a world in much need.  God’s Word and the Holy Sacraments are central to our life of faith.  As we grow and are nourished by these, we will bring the good news of God’s forgiveness, life and salvation to those around us.

 

MARCH   ASSIGNMENTS

 

Altar Guild

    Diane Ladlie & Elaine Flusek

Coffee Servers

    March 7       Jack & Jean Thisius, Karin Shelton

    March 14     Jim & Nancy Skaar

    March 21     Darrell & Vickie Storlie

    March 28     Scott & Kim Woitas

 

 Ushers

    *Paul & Barb Miller

    LeMoyne Eggum

    Ted Eggum

    Jim Skaar

    Chris Skaar

    Steve Johnson  

 

Communion and Offering Duty

   Sonja Johnson & Bob Armon

 

 

MARCH  ACOLYTE/USHER SCHEDULE

 

March 7            Zoe Hill & Samantha Anderson

March 14           Cecilia Hill & Josselyn Hill

March 21           Julie Erickson & Lacy Wright

March 28           Louise Tufte & Hunter Gilby

 

HAYWARD ANNIVERSARIES

 

March 5            Terry & Debra Bolinger

 

HAYWARD BIRTHDAYS

 

March 2           Travis Quam

March 4           Bev Noland

March 5           Art Sherman

March 6           Ashle Skaar

                        Judy Becker

March 7           Michael Larson

March 10         Sarah Frydenlund

March 12         Samantha Anderson

March 15         Gen Olson

March 16         Bertha Frydenlund

                        Steve Sorenson

March 22         LaVonne Williams

March 27         Michelle Learn

March 28         Nicholas Paulson

March 30         Aaron Enderson

 

ALTAR GUILD

NEWS

 

 

 

 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE FRESH FLOWERS?

 

 Fresh flowers for the altar are a beautiful addition to our worship service.  If you wish to furnish flowers, all you need to do is call the Altar Guild president, Marlene Thompson (373-3895).  The Guild will purchase and display the flowers for you, and if you wish, will put an acknowledgement in the Sunday bulletin.  Cost of the flowers is usually about $15.  Your generosity and support are greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

 

LENT AND EASTER FLOWER FUND

 

    The Hayward Altar Guild invites you this year to make special gift contributions to the Lent/Easter Flower Fund.  Gifts in the amount of your choosing can be given as a general gift, or given in memory or honor of a loved one.  Funds will be used for the purchase of violet plants for the social hall tables, palm crosses and palm fronds for Palm Sunday and flowers and lilies for Easter Sunday.

    This year, for Palm Sunday, we will be purchasing African Palm Crosses through a Christian supply company in St. Louis.  These crosses are hand made throughout the year by families in a cluster of villages in Tanzania and sold to supplement their meager incomes.  Sales help support village projects such as agricultural and vocational training, schools, water systems and emergency relief.

 

 

 

     HAYWARD MEMORIALS

 

LIFT FUND

   In memory of Mary Hansen by Kendall & Lila Johnson

   

GENERAL FUND

    In memory of Darlene Greibrok by Helen Dockwell

 

 

HAYWARD CHURCH COUNCIL MEETING

February 15, 200412:00 P.M.

 

   The Hayward Church Council met on Sunday, February 15, 2004 at 12:00 p.m.

   Present:  Sonja Johnson, Bob Armon, Pat Frydenlund, Keith Iverson, Randy Eggum, Vickie Storlie, Sharon Malm, Pastor Malm.

   Randy Eggum, President, presided over the meeting.

   The Agenda was discussed.  Sonja Johnson made a motion to accept the Agenda.  Bob Armon seconded the motion.  Motion carried.

   Secretary’s Report:

Sonja Johnson made a motion to accept the Minutes from the January 11, 2004 meeting.  Randy Eggum seconded the motion.  Motion carried.

   Bob Armon made a motion to accept the Minutes from the February 1, 2004 meeting.  Randy Eggum seconded the motion.  Carried.

   Treasurer’s Report:

The Treasurer’s Report was discussed.  Keith Iverson made a motion to accept the Treasurer’s Report.  Vickie Storlie seconded the motion.  Motion carried.

 

ITEMS TO CONSIDER:

 

A.      CALENDAR:

1.       Parish Bible Study on the Revelation to John begins on Sunday, February 15th at 6:00 p.m. and continues through March.

2.       February 22nd, 2:00 p.m. Annual meeting at Good Earth Village.  Faye, Vickie and Pastor Malm attending.

3.       Wednesday, February 25th, Parish Ash Wednesday Communion Service at 7:00 p.m.  Midweek worship services each week through April 8th.

4.       Sunday, February 29th, 5:45 p.m. – Youth night at HLC with movie and discussion.

5.       Sunday, March 14th, Hayward Council Meeting at 11:45 a.m.

6.       Sunday, March 14th, Synod meeting for all Council members at Trinity Lutheran, 609 Lincoln Av. S., Owatonna, MN.  Pool rides.  Leave HLC at 2:00 p.m.  Meeting is from 3:00 to 5:30 p.m. “Councils as Leaders of Churches of All Sizes.”

7.       Sunday, March 21st, Gideon Rep. will give brief talk during Announcements at both Hayward and Trondhjem.

8.       Sunday March 28th, Youth night at HLC with movie and discussion.

9.       List of scheduled Council meetings distributed.

 

B.      OTHER ITEMS:

1.       Application for property tax exemption for the parsonage was filled out.  This needs to be done every three years.

2.       Habitat for Humanities requested a letter of support for a grant that they are applying for.  Keith Iverson made a motion to send a letter of support, through prayer, volunteers and financial, to Habitat for Humanities towards their grant application.  Sonja Johnson seconded the motion.  Motion carried.  Pastor Malm will take care of writing the letter.

3.       Sonja and Bob are scheduled for Communion and Offering during March.

4.       Some discussion on the membership roster and further contacts with inactive members.

5.       A 10’ fiberglass stepladder was purchased at Home Depot.

6.       March 31st the Joint Council is serving the Lenten Meal

7.       Fifth Sunday Loose Offerings.  May – Connecting with the Spirit – Good Earth Village; August – Habitat for Humanities; October – World Hunger.

8.       Paul and Edith Samuelson had donated the Stop and Go light down by the Sunday School, donations to go to World Hunger.  Loose coin in the offering plate will be put in the container.

 

Keith Iverson made a motion to adjourn the meeting.  Bob Armon seconded the motion.  Motion carried.

 

Respectfully submitted,

     Vickie Storlie, Secretary

 

HAYWARD LUTHERAN

OUR STEWARDSHIP FOR 2004

 

Month              Where we                    Actual

                        Should be

 

January           $8,358                          $7,291.42

February          $16,716             $13,916.34

                                                            (Thru Feb. 22)

 

 

 

LIBRARY NEWS

 

 

 

 

 

FEATURED BOOK OF THE MONTH

 

    Silent Night (The story of the World War I Christmas Truce) by Stanley Weintraub is the book that is being featured this month in the Hayward Church Library.  This book tells the story of the 1914 Christmas Truce during World War I.  The fighting men threw down their weapons and crossed the front lines to sing carols, exchange gifts and letters, to eat, drink and play games together in spite of their angry superiors orders to            commence fighting.  The soldiers naively thought the ward would be short and that they were fraternizing with future friends.

 

LIBRARY STAMPS NO LONGER AVAILABLE

 

            Because the Library Stamps are no longer available to the Bible Book Store, they ask that all stamps collected be redeemed by June 1, 2004.

 

 

 

WELCA NEWS

 

 

 

 

 

 

QUILTING FOR CHARITY

 

    Everyone is invited to join the quilting bunch as we assemble quilts for charity Tuesday mornings at 9 a.m. in the Social Hall continuing until just before Easter.  No experience is necessary.  On-the-job training is provided.  Snacks are provided and we have a great time.  Please come!

    Last year the group assembled over 70 quilts which were given to the Salvation Army, Victim’s Crisis Center, Lutheran World Relief, Good Earth Village, New Horizons Women’s Shelter and other worthy charities.  What a wonderful, warm way to reach out and give back to the community.

 

QUILT TOPS

 

    Anyone wishing to donate a quilt top for the quilting session this year may contact the Calico Hutch at 377-1163.  Cost per top is $8.  Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

CLOTHING NEEDED

 

   Mary Kay Homes in Minneapolis, a home for the retarded, is in need of EXTRA LARGE  clothing.  Items needed are SWEATERS, BLOUSES AND SHIRTS.  The clothing must be in good condition – clean and no missing buttons.  They only need EXTRA LARGE sizes.  The clothing may be brought to the church and put in the quilting room downstairs.  The deadline is March 15th.

 

 

 

YOUTH NEWS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOUTH TRIP IS PLANNED!!

 

On Friday, March 26 the LYO will leave from HLC at 8:00 a.m. for a trip to St. Paul and Minneapolis.    From 10:00 a.m. to Noon they will be at Vertical Endeavors for Wall Climbing.  From there they will go to the Mall of America where they will have the option of going to Camp Snoopy.  They will return to HLC at approximately 7:00 p.m.

 

 

 

YOUTH NIGHT AT THE MOVIES

 

  Remember YOUTH NIGHT AT THE MOVIES at 5:45 p.m. on Sunday, March 28.  Come and have a great time with friends!  Discussion will follow the movie.

 

 

SUNDAY SCHOOL NEWS

 

 

 

 

 

 

SUMMER DAY CAMP

   

Please mark your calendars for DAY CAMP, which will be held JULY 12 – 16, 2004 here at Hayward Lutheran Church.  It is open to children Kindergarten up through 6th grade.  Youth in 7th grade on up are encouraged to be helpers.  Watch for more information and details regarding the Day Camp and the sign-up process.

 

 

 

CHECK OUT THE

“STOP AND GO” LIGHT

 

    Look for the new “Stop & Go” Light in the hallway by the Sunday School rooms.  Bring your pennies and coins every Sunday for children who are hungry.  Paul & Edith Samuelson have donated this “Stop & Go” Light and got us started by adding their coins.  We will send the accumulated money to ELCA World Hunger. 

    The loose coins in the offering each Sunday will also be added to the “Stop & Go” Light for ELCA World Hunger.  So PLEASE help us feed the hungry children by bringing your coins!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THANK YOU to Carol Eggum for making the beautiful Funeral Banner for the front of the church at Hayward Lutheran.

 

A THANK YOU was received from Salvation Army for the $107 pounds of food given by members of Hayward Lutheran.

 

 

 

 

HAYWARD LUTHERAN CHURCH RECEIVES GIFT FROM TRONDHJEM LUTHERAN CHURCH

 

    At its Annual Meeting, Trondhjem Lutheran voted to give a gift of $1,000 towards the HLC Lift Fund.  This gift was recently received.  This gift is given in gratitude to HLC for allowing TLC the use of the church worship area and social hall for funeral services over the past several years.

   On behalf of the Hayward Congregation, the Congregation Council offers its sincere THANKS to TLC for this generous gift, as we pray God’s blessings upon their continuing ministry and their continued association with us.

 

 

 

 

GOOD EARTH VILLAGE NEWS

 

 

 

 

GOOD EARTH VILLAGE YOUTH BLAST!

March 19-20 and April 2-3

SURVIVORS IN THE BIBLE

 

If you think the TV show looks tough, just wait till you learn what these folks had to endure!  Floods, lions, whales, shipwrecks, stonings, giants and more!  We’ll be learning and talking about people who experienced intense adventures and the ULTIMATE reality!

  TIME: 7:00 P.M. Friday to 7:00 p.m. Saturday

  COST:  $30/person (chaperones free)

  TO REGISTER;  Fill out a registration form and send the form, with a $15 deposit to:  Good Earth Village, RR 1, Box 258, Spring Valley, MN  55975

  (Registration forms are available in the church office)

 

IT’S A GIRL THING!  IT’S A GOD THING!

It’s the TRUE THING, Girlfriend!

 

A retreat just for Jr. High Girls!!!  It will be like a 24-hour slumber party as we talk about boys, clothes and life, and we’ll discover what the Bible has to say about all of it.  It’s a retreat where you can ask your questions and talk about the issues that are important to you.  It’s a GIRL’S WEEKEND with NO BOYS ALLOWED!

  WHEN:  April 16-17

  WHERE:  Good Earth Village

  TIME:  7:00 p.m. Friday to 7:00 p.m. Saturday

  COST:  $30/PERSON (Chaperones free)

  TO REGISTER:  contact GEV (507-346-2494) to hold your spot.  Registration forms available in the church office.

SUMMER STAFF WANTED!

 

  Good Earth Village is now hiring staff for the summer of 2004.  We are looking for college-aged adults who enjoy being in the great outdoors and want to share their faith with God’s children of all ages! 

   Positions Available:  Counselors, Kitchen Staff, Maintenance Staff, Craft/Canteen Coordinator, Naturalist, Health Care Manager, and Leadership Team.

  If you or someone you know is interested in being a part of this important ministry, contact Gretchen at Good Earth Village.  507-346-2494.

 

 

 

AUGSBURG COLLEGE OFFERING COURSES

 

    Augsburg College will begin offering Teacher Education courses in the Rochester area.  The initial sequence of courses will allow students to work toward a teaching license in Elementary Education.  Students may also use these courses to work toward a teaching license in Special Education and Secondary Education.  The program is closely articulated with the coursework available through local community colleges and the Weekend College program on the Augsburg campus in  Minneapolis.  For those students with baccalaureate degrees, a number of the courses may be taken at the graduate level, allowing them to progress toward a Master’s degree. 

  Classes are held on weekday evenings or on Saturday in alternate weeks at Rochester Central Lutheran School.  Classes are projected to begin in April.  (The Augsburg Rochester Program also offers majors in Nursing, Business Administration and Management Information Systems.)

    For more information call 507-288-2886, or visit the website (www.augsburg.edu/rochester), or by sending an e-mail message to our local Admissions Coordinator, LibbyHenslin (henslin@augsburg.edu).

 

TOGETHER IN MISSION

 

“Together in Mission:  How can reaching out to others restore our own broken communities?”  That is the topic of the 20th Annual Lutheran Mission Conference at Luther Seminary, St. Paul, on Saturday, March 27th.  This is an all-day event that includes a beginning (8:30 a.m.) lecture session and then the rest of the day is filled with four opportunities for workshop sessions.  You can choose from twenty different workshops on a number of different topics related to global missions and evangelism.  The cost for this event (including lunch) is $30, if you register before March 22nd.  If you are interested in this, contact Pr. Malm for a Registration Form.  This is sponsored by Luther Seminary and the Global Mission Institute.  Phone 651-641-3487 or online at gmi@luthersem.edu.

 

LUTHER COLLEGE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA TO PRESENT CONCERT

    On Friday, March 19, 7:30 p.m. the Luther College Symphony Orchestra will perform in Knowlton Auditorium at Austin High School, Austin, MN.  Under the direction of Dr. Daniel Baldwin, the 85-member ensemble will present works by Beethoven, Brahms and Smetana.  Adults $10; Students (18 & under) FREE, Senior Citizens $8.  For  tickets call 433-1959 or 434-3414.

 

A LITTLE BOY WANTED TO MEET GOD

 

    A little boy wanted to meet God.  He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.

    When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old woman.  She was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons.  The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase.  He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry, so he offered her some chips.  She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.

    Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered her a root beer.  Again, she smiled at him.  The boy was delighted!  They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

    As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old woman, and gave her a hug.  She gave him her biggest smile ever.

    When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face.  She asked him, “What did you do today that made you so happy?”  He replied, “I had lunch with God.”  But before his mother could respond, he added, “You know what? She’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen!”

    Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home.  Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked, “Mother, what did you do today that made you so happy?”  She replied, “I ate potato chips in the park with God.”  However, before her son responded, she added, “You know, he’s much younger than I expected.”

    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.  People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  Embrace all equally!

    Have lunch with God……..bring chips.

 

SOME WORDS FOR THOUGHT

 

  There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign:  CHURCH CAR PARK – FOR MEMBERS ONLY. Trespassers will be baptized!

  “No God – No Peace.  Know God – Know Peace”

  “Free Trip to heaven.  Details Inside!”

  “Try our Sundays.  They are better than Baskin Robbins.”

  “Searching for a new look?  Have your faith lifted here!”

  An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, “For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.”

  When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, “Open Sundays,” the church reciprocated with its own message:  “We are open on Sundays too.”

  “People are like tea bags – you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.”

  “Fight truth decay – study the Bible daily.”

  “How will you spend eternity – Smoking or Nonsmoking?”

  “Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives”

  “Come work for the Lord.  The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low.  But the retirement benefits are out of this world.”

  “It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.”

  “Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.”

  “If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.”

  “If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.”

  “Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.”

  “This is a ch..ch.  What is missing?”  (UR)

  “In the dark?  Follow the Son.”

  “Running low on faith?  Step in for a fill-up”

  “If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep.  Talk to the Shepherd.”

 

ONE-LINERS

 

   Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited – until you try to sit in their pews.

   Many folks want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.

   It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

   The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

   When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.

   People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

   Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

   Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.

   The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience:  “And in conclusion.”

   If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

   God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead.  So why should you?

   Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

   Peace starts with a smile.

   A lot of church members who are singing “Standing on the Promises” are just sitting on the premises.

   We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

   Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

   Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.

   Don’t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

   God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

   God loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts!”

    If God is your co-pilot, swap seats.

   Prayer:  Don’t give God instructions – just report for duty!

 

 

 

PARISH NEWS DEADLINE

The deadline for turning in articles and calendar information for the Parish News is the 20th of each month.  Thank you for your cooperation.

 

ADDRESS CHANGE?  If you or someone you know has had a change of address or phone number within this past year, please inform the Church Office as soon as possible.  Thank you for your help!